After finishing the book I mentioned in my last post, "Three Cups of Tea", I found myself getting depressed. After reading about how Greg is working to change a part of the world by making education available for the children of poor villages, it made me realize how much one person could do to make a difference. I started thinking how small my world is, my little circle, and asking myself "What am I doing to make a difference?" Oh, sure, I homeschool my three kids. Some would say that this alone is making a difference. But right now, it doesn't seem like enough. Especially when my kids have lousy attitudes, that really makes me feel like a failure. Like, what good am I doing here. Isn't there something more important I could be doing?
No, there isn't. In my heart, I know that I'm where I need to be, doing the work that God has chosen for me. I don't always like it, which makes me feel guilty. I don't feel like I'm very good at it, though others have stated the opposite, by observing the way my children are. I mean, let's face it, I was much better at my business than I am a wife/mom/housewife/homeschool teacher. When I had my business, I knew what to do. I had training and experience before I started my business and I felt confident enough to go it alone. I had absolutely NO training for what I've been doing the last 12 years of my life as a mom. Even less training as how to be a homemaker/wife. So, of course, any occupation that I had training for would seem easier than the my current occupation.
But did it make a difference in this world when I was working in my own shop? A little. Teaching my kids, raising them, being here for them, praying for them and with them, loving them - now, that makes a difference. A lot of difference. A favorite saying around here is "Mom, you're not giving me enough attention." Little do they know! They get more attention than most kids, they just don't realize it!
So, I must be content, at least for now, to make as big a difference I can in the lives of my kids. Someday, they'll (hopefully) make a difference in their world.