Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Now What Do I Do?

After finishing the book I mentioned in my last post, "Three Cups of Tea", I found myself getting depressed. After reading about how Greg is working to change a part of the world by making education available for the children of poor villages, it made me realize how much one person could do to make a difference. I started thinking how small my world is, my little circle, and asking myself "What am I doing to make a difference?" Oh, sure, I homeschool my three kids. Some would say that this alone is making a difference. But right now, it doesn't seem like enough. Especially when my kids have lousy attitudes, that really makes me feel like a failure. Like, what good am I doing here. Isn't there something more important I could be doing?

No, there isn't. In my heart, I know that I'm where I need to be, doing the work that God has chosen for me. I don't always like it, which makes me feel guilty. I don't feel like I'm very good at it, though others have stated the opposite, by observing the way my children are. I mean, let's face it, I was much better at my business than I am a wife/mom/housewife/homeschool teacher. When I had my business, I knew what to do. I had training and experience before I started my business and I felt confident enough to go it alone. I had absolutely NO training for what I've been doing the last 12 years of my life as a mom. Even less training as how to be a homemaker/wife. So, of course, any occupation that I had training for would seem easier than the my current occupation.

But did it make a difference in this world when I was working in my own shop? A little. Teaching my kids, raising them, being here for them, praying for them and with them, loving them - now, that makes a difference. A lot of difference. A favorite saying around here is "Mom, you're not giving me enough attention." Little do they know! They get more attention than most kids, they just don't realize it!

So, I must be content, at least for now, to make as big a difference I can in the lives of my kids. Someday, they'll (hopefully) make a difference in their world.


Cate said...

That "contentment" thing is a biggie hey? I battle that one a lot, and often feel that my role as mother & wife is insignificant & I should be doing "more".

Anyhow, thanks so much for your thoughtful comments on my blog. I do so appreciate them & we do sound like we are on the same page in so many areas don't we? Right down to the hair dyeing sagas in our 30s!

Your life sounds so busy with 3 young ones, not to mention a hubby who has recently been unwell - you need to take some time out for yourself girl. What refreshes you? Time to break out of the routine & try something new methinks (spoken from my vantage point on the other side of the world, hehe).

Hang in there - summer break time for you guys soon isn't it? I always find that that is a great time to reassess what we are doing & why we are doing it. Time to sit & really hear the voice of God.

Thinking of you,

Mama Self said...

I know what you mean. What am I doing now? Is it good enough? I'm thankful for my husband's guidance in such matters. Praise the Lord for allowing us to depend on Him even as we consider our lives. Pray, wait on the Lord, seek wise counsel before making changes. The Lord will show you if you need to add or change your lifestyle. God bless you and your family.

ConservaChick said...

I almost wrote a post on contentment (or my lack there of)the other day, so I can really relate to this post.
My only advice: Pray that God gives you all he has for you right now.... And see how he shakes things up a bit! ~Karlie