I just finished a post full of complaints and rants about my kids. But I didn't want to save it. My kids have been unusually cranky these past few days (during my husband 12 hr shift work week). It's been frustrating for me but I didn't feel like posting all the negative words. Sometimes when I complain on paper, it's not helpful to re-read it. It just makes me feel lousy. Like, "poor me", or something.
It's simply been a time when I fail to understand why my kids can't be more like me! I find myself repeating, over and over, "Be nice", "Don't do that", "Enough!", "Knock that off", etc. But, they ARE kids. It will be years before they understand the things I have already learned. To my daughter, most slights or inconveniences are the end of the world. To my oldest, annoying his siblings is an art form. To my "poor, neglected" middle son, it's an Alec-centered world. I spend an enormous amount of time trying to explain things to my kids to make them understand sooner than I did as a kid. But their minds just aren't there yet. When my oldest is embarrassed, he's not able to brush it off - he's half way to 15, that is the time of his life when being embarrassed is normal. I try to give my kids words to their feelings to help them understand their emotions. I try to give them nice words to say instead of insulting each other. I try to help them think through situations so they can see the bigger picture. All this is exhausting to me and I know I won't see any fruit of this effort for some time. Perhaps I work too hard on this but it is my hope that it will be worth it and they'll turn out better people for it.
I wonder if I frustrate God when I fail to understand what He's trying to teach me. Well, maybe not frustrate but, perhaps, He sighs when, yet again, Kate is floundering. Oh, how I flounder! I hope I can remember this paragraph the next time I go head to head with a child. Dear Lord, please give me what I need to be the best Mom I can to my kids. I don't need perfection - just less floundering!